[Testimony] Too Old to Change

I have had an incredible 3-day conference. It has changed my life.

I was so very fortunate to be a part of what happened in the sanctuary on Friday night during Lisa Bevere’s session. God was there. We all felt his love and the outpouring, the joining of strength from each other.

I spoke with Lisa after the session was over. She hugged me. She prayed over me and I felt, literally felt, the anointing of God come pouring out. It was an incredible experience and as I write this, I cannot find the right words for what happened. I cried because I felt the release of what I had been, what I had felt, how worthless I felt I had become.

Just when I thought I was too old for it to change. I felt it all change.

Before Shine, I had been telling myself that it didn’t matter. What mattered was my children and seeing that they had a better life than I had had. I was giving up without knowing I was giving up. Lisa’s prayer over me brought me back to life. I feel the power of God in my life today more strongly than ever. Maybe I didn’t even know what it was before, because it was absolutely incredible.

On the final day of Shine, I took that step out of my seat, not worrying what others might think or say, not worrying that I was too broken for Jesus to accept me and moved to the altar when Deborah made the call.

As Deborah had mentioned, if I couldn’t do it there, how could I possibly expect to do it outside the sanctuary. How could I expect to be the woman that God intends me to be? The woman who can and will make a difference? The woman who is worthy and who does matter?

I know all of these things now.

Thank God for the opportunity that was afforded me this week. I feel as if I am breathing real air again. I am awake and alive and I matter. I will make a difference.

During one of the sessions, it was said that it didn’t matter if you had not had a mentor, but that God may want you to BE a mentor. That simple statement touched the core of my soul and made me realize what God is calling me to do. God is calling me to be a leader and I intend to answer that call in my own way. I will help others who are following after me so that maybe I can save them from making my same mistakes. Maybe I can save them some of that pain and maybe I can save some other woman, some other mother from believing that she is unworthy of the good things that God, in this life and the next, has to offer.

I have met other women in the Church this weekend. They spoke to me and we talked. How overjoyed I was! I have been attending Celebration for so long and spent my time wondering why I had no friends there, only saying “hello” and “God Bless” in passing in the halls or in our seats.

It is because I was not taking the time to reach out to the others around me. I am an introvert and this was so difficult for me! I know after this conference that I can do it, that God will always help me and for the first time in a long time, I am smiling. There is so much joy in my heart that I am part of this army of women, these warriors who will make a difference. I feel like dancing (and I can’t even dance). *LOL* Praise God!

Thank you Jesus for the women who make a difference, for the women who share their stories, step outside their comfort zones, and come into the greatness that God has planned for them.

I cry as I write this. But this time they are tears of joy and strength. One day, I will hear God say to me “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done!”

Thank you, Pastor Kerri and all the staff for making this conference possible.

Thank you for saving my life.

Posted on: May 9th, 2008